Relationships
The most difficult aspect of any relationship is retaining
one's own identity, the sense of one's self, in a world that seems
to dictate and expect otherwise. Today there is less and less freedom. We cannot blame our governments totally for this. When we examine how we treat each other, expecialy those we love, we see that, in fact, we are to blame ourselves. And when we don't speak out against it, whether as an individual or a society, we deserve what we get.A study of human history shows, without exception, that no relationship can mature beyond a simple live-in kind of convenience without freedom of the individual. Whether between two people or a people and their government, this has always been true. One sheep in a pen or a hundred, it makes no difference. There are many kinds of pens.
If we allow our loved ones freedom and space
to grow and live their lives their way, we will grow also, and when
we do this, we will grow closer in ways we did not expect and could never have foreseen, and we will grow stronger as a person. And we will have more friends.
Where would you like to be right now?
The myths by which we live our lives
do not allow for very much breathing room sometimes.
We need the security of connection with someone special,
who is there because they want to be,
and because we want them to be.
But we also need the expansivenss of freedom.
It is this delicate balance that is so difficult to achieve in our
lives.
In every lasting, loving relationship
there is a haunting ambivalence we cannot deny but often do.
When we find someone who loves us unasking
and whom we grow to love and share our lives with,
we should not try to hide this ambivalence.
Our denial of these feelings will lead to separation,
as surely as these feelings exist. And they do exist.
Even though we do love, we also need the private,
individual experiences that show us our freedom.
No home is a prison if you know the door isn't locked.
There is nothing wrong with saying
"I liked it when you were gone for the last two weeks.
Now that you're home again I'm feeling boxed in.
I think we should spend some time away from each other each month."
If your lover loves you, he or she will understand.
If we lose our sense of individual,
we have nothing to offer those we love.
It is this maturing into love, this recognizing the individual in
each of us
and the allowing of that individualness to grow and flourish
that gives us real peace in any lasting relationship.
When we are with our special lover, and it just feels
right,
we are able to deal with this ambivalence
by going with it sometimes and retaining our right to do so.
And when we are with our lover we are able to honestly say,
"There is nowhere else I want to be at this moment."
What's in a love affair?
Making love doesn't take that long does it?
Two, three, four hours at best.
Then what are we going to do?
A lasting love affair
entails many different relationships,
and requires a lot of work and effort.
When the caring and the patience
and the tenderness are all there,
the love making is always good,
even when it isn't.
So let's be gentle in our patience.
Let's make sure it works for us.
the grass, the grass...
You once said to me;
"The grass always looks greener..."
I replied with a smile,
"Sometimes it is. Sometimes it is..."
Because of you
Because of you,
my aspirations of leading
a bachelor's life,
with a different lover
for each day of the week,
seems silly and uninteresting to me now.
Because of you,
I now sit in sidewalk cafes more often,
go for walks along the beach,
write poetry,
and think about the last time I saw you,
always the last time I saw you.
Because of you,
I think of fields of flowers,
clouds in the sky,
music in the park,
the sound of your voice,
the touch of your skin,
and painting again...
To be loved
I hear you.
You want to be loved,
not squeezed.
I hear you.
Little things
A sideward glance,
a little smile
says it all...
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